Part 3: the end & the beginning..

"Let me hold you
For the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
But you broke me
Now I can't feel anything

When I love you
It's so untrue
I can't even convince myself
When I'm speaking
It's the voice of someone else

Oh it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that aint real

Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
I can't like it anymore
And I love you a little less than before.."

Listening to the song..i pushed back the tears and tried hard to stop reminiscing about the past..oh how i wish i can hold him one last time, see him one last time...
I'm broken i really am..but i cant do this to myself anymore..

i needed to do something..

i finally knew the reason..he just doesn't love me anymore..regardless if he meant it or not but he said those words anyways...i have stopped trying..i got the closure i needed.

i decided it was time to get rid of him in every way possible.
i looked at my phone and deleted all his numbers...home, work, mobile,cousin's numbers EVERYTHING..then i deleted all his messages..that was so hard to do..because those messages meant so much to me..i couldn't bear to read the lovey dovey messages he once sent..so i deleted them all..i needed a fresh start...
the last thing item i need to do to my phone was to delete his pictures..now my phone was officially Khalid free.

now..i log into my facebook..and automatically i check Khalid's page and see his smiling picture..oh how i miss that smile..i miss his special smile to me..i cant go forward if i keep seeing his profile and see that he has really moved on..so i chose to click "remove from friends"..i do that and get another message " are you sure you want to remove khalid as your friend ?" i hesitantly press "remove friend". i go to my inbox and delete his messages there as well..

moving on to msn..i find his hotmail address and decide to block and delete..

wow..he's everywhere.

i feel better...ham winza7..i needed not to see him, hear about him or anything..it was all too much to bear...i just needed him to disappear from my life..like he never even existed.


now my friends were all trying to set me up.."oh i know this great guy", " you should meet flan" etc etc..i knew my friends meant well..but i was not ready..i wasn't even thinking about getting into a relationship all over again... i got so hurt the last time..I'm too scared to try again..

but as they say..when one door closes another one opens...


" i liked you from the moment i saw you..i have always liked you..i wanted to tell ask you out when i was back here in the summer but you told me you have someone else..so i couldn't do anything more...I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a hard time..i wish you told me about this earlier...but really..trust me.. you deserve much better.." that's what Hamad had to say when he heard about the break up.

That's the day Hamad decided to open up to me and tell me how he feels about me...