Part 1 : The Ex-files

" You never think the last time is the last time. You think you have forever but you don't.. I need something to happen..I just need a sign. I need a reason to go on. i need some hope.."



I was watching an old episode of Grey's Anatomy and that line just hit me-HARD..that's exactly how i felt after he decided to break up with me..after my sweets decided to break up with me..its been a few weeks now..i should be ok..but i keep analyzing and over analyzing what happened..



I'm still sad inside..i feel that my soul is broken..if that's even possible? people stop me and ask " whats wrong? feech shay? " Ana i pretend like everything is ok and have a fake smile on and say "Ma fi shay..I'm ok-really" so the love of my life broke up with me out of the blue and i am still wondering what could have gone wrong..was i not good enough? did I do something to push him away?



when I'm feeling down..i start remembering all the good times we had..I try to hold back my tears, but its not working..i seem to break down ever so often but always alone..in my room in bed when its all dark..i don't want them to know that i didn't move on..that I'm not ok really.....I'm a mess..a complete and utter mess..and no one understands the extent of this break up on me..this is just not ANY guy he's THE guy..he's the one for me..or so I thought? my friends are like "oh well, you'll move on" and I'm wondering silently "Are they freaking serious??



" i miss him..i miss hearing him laugh...i miss him calling me baby, 7beeby, 3umri, 3yooni, he was a romantic guy..just my type..i never connected with anyone like this before..i remember us skipping work and spending the day together.. going to Saar cinema watching a romantic movie (my favorite), hanging out at Friends or Maggie's..having dinner at Olivetto's..so many things!!



i remember his name on my fone..it would beep " sweets:*".. i miss seeing his name show on my phone's screen.. i miss him i miss him a55555555555555 i miss him :(



after a year into the relationship..our last conversation went a little something like this:



Note: for a few days, khalid was acting all weird..he wouldn't call before he sleeps like he used to he didnt want to see me..he was just acting distant and i needed to know why..



me: what's wrong hun? you've been acting so distant

Khalid: i don't know how to tell you this but..umm...I'm not ready for a relationship..

me: what? (in Shock)

Khalid: i feel I'm too young..and the marriage issue is on my mind..i don't want to drag you along with me..i don't know when ill be ready..i don't want to get married now..and i don't know what's wrong with me..it could be a phase or maybe not?

me: (eyes tearing up ) you don't want to be with me??? after all this time,we have been together..but your the love of my life.. Khalid: (grows quiet) but i have no feelings for you anymore..



(SILENCE)



i have no words to say..nothing to say at all..my absolute worst fear came to life...he doesn't love me anymore...he really doesn't..